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10 Reasons why you should never spend time in the backcountry

You thought about it – going into the backcountry, enjoying nature at its best, you want your friends to live vicariously through your wilderness experiences – but you are skeptical, is it the right thing to do? Is it dangerous or reckless? Do you have the time or skills required?

You might be right questioning this, so I decided to help you out by coming up with 10 reasons why you should never spend time in the backcountry.

1. You hate not having hundreds of people around

Isn’t there safety in numbers? You don’t want to be surrounded by a close group of friends who share your passion, do you? Following crowds is fun and standing shoulder to shoulder in a grocery store lineup feels so familiar.

Bugaboos – near Vowel Glacier

 

2. Crystal clear drinking water has no taste

Why would you risk drinking fresh water from a clear stream or pristine lake when you can just buy some bottled water at a gas station? Besides stream, lake or glacier water has no taste.

 

3. Fresh air makes you sick

Isn’t too much fresh air bad for you? What if it’s too cold or hot? No thanks! You have your air conditioned home or office to go to. If you want fresh air – just go for a jog downtown and leave all that un-polluted outdoor air to people who care.  It’s definitely a bad idea to be breathing all that fresh air.

 

4.  Nature is boring and you don’t like to be surrounded by it

If seeing green forests, blue lakes, towering mountaintops, calm ocean coves makes you anxious, then spending time in the backcountry is definitely not for you!  Your daily bus commute to work – is where true happiness is found.

Beach camping near Telegraph Cove on Vancouver Island, BC

 

5.  You don’t like learning new skills or getting fit

You already know how to do everything so, why would you want to learn how to backcountry ski, hike, snowshoe, climb, canoe or camp in the backcountry? Besides, you would probably have to buy all new gear. Getting fit? You can do that at your local gym with 30 others running beside you on a treadmill or climbing up stairs.

Negotiating a little bit of class 3 water – Bowron Lakes canoe circuit, BC

 

6.  Wildlife is boring or you are scared of it

Why would you want to see animals in the wild when you can watch them all the time on the discovery channel in HD? An eagle soaring over a mountain ridge, please – that doesn’t happen in real life.

Pelicans at Lake Land Park, AB

 

7.  You don’t like waking up surrounded by nature

Why would you want to wake up to shimmering northern lights when you can simply turn on the lights when you wake up? Camping in front of a glacier? Nah you would rather stick to your bed. Besides, glaciers are cold and dangerous anyways. If you spend time in the outdoors, you are bound to be surrounded by nature – and we certainly don’t want that now, do we?

Camping under Northern Lights near Yellowknife, NT

 

8.  You don’t like meeting friendly and interesting people

Why would you want to meet interesting people in the backcountry when you have your facebook friends? Besides – you can easily “unfriend” them without them even knowing.

Friendliness, warmth, happiness and generosity – you will be running a huge risk of meeting people with these character traits so be very, very careful.  Laughing hurts your stomach and is also a sure sign of lack of intelligence. Who needs to see all those heartfelt smiles anyway?

You are better off staying at home being grumpy or stressed out about the vacuuming you didn’t get finished.

Some of the mountain guides at ACC’s 2012 General Mountaineering Camp (GMC)

 

9. You don’t like eating simple meals prepared over a camp stove or fire

Steamed mussels from a remote beach? Gross!  Baked potatoes right from the coals of your campfire? I don’t think so, sounds dangerous. Freshly caught trout grilled over the fire? Nah, you don’t like fish even if you caught one.  Wild blueberries from a meadow you just came across? Who eats fruit anyways?  What you really want is a microwaved pizza pop – it’s just so much quicker or that cheeseburger combo from that nice-and-easy drive through window.

Cooking wild salmon during Discovery Passage trip

 

10.  You love your comfort zone

Why would you ever want to risk stepping outside of our comfort zone?! Your life is already a very nice 9-5 so why would you want to change that?  What happens if you try going into the backcountry and you hate it?! You would have to go back home and you would be right back where you started, having lost nothing. 9-5 is enough anyway, and only crazy people want more.
Ok here, I said it. If the above 10 points describe you, then don’t even think of spending time in the backcountry – it could have terrible consequences (new friends, experiences, new skills, getting fit) so be very careful!

Have I missed anything? If so please comment below

Happy trails!
by Mike Blarowski


February 13, 2013
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